Sympathy for the Devil

Defending oil companies is about as easy as trying to sing the praises of our favorite Doritos loving deposed dictator, Saddam Hussein (his mustache is always well groomed). Like Monsieur Hussein, oil execs are not easy to love. They make billions, sell a product we all hate to buy and yet can'’t possibly live without, and let'’s face it; they look smarmy in their suits.

If you'’d like to hear what the Oil companies have to say about the recent brouhaha check this out Facts on Fuel Basically they suggest that gasoline prices have risen far less in comparison to other consumer goods and services since 1982. 66.8% for gasoline versus 396.1% for tobacco products for example. They also correct the fallacy that we are at "“record highs."” If you adjust for inflation prices were as high as $4.87 during Jimmy Carter'’s administration. The website also addresses the "“windfall"” profits of the last couple of years, comparing oil and natural gas industry profits to the U.S. industry average. In the fourth quarter of last year they made 8.9 cents on every dollar of sales as compared to the industry average of 6.5 cents. That may not seem like much but we are talking about billions of gallons. So when we hear the oil companies made "“record"” profits last year, yes they did but they made "“record"” expenditures, too. This is not to say that they are not making vast sums of money.

Speaking of, does anybody know how you get into the oil business? Did I miss my opportunity there? I'm Republican so I don't have a conscience to get in the way of me swindling the working poor to line my own pockets. **WARNING** The previous sentence contained rampant sarcasm. Handle with care. **END WARNING**

If you want to know why we refuse to give the oil habit as a nation, I'll tell you. We like it when the car goes "vroom."Honest to God, if the automotive industry would put out an electric car that revved instead of hummed, it would sell like hotcakes. Maybe we could just shove industrial size playing cards in the rims or something. I'll get to work on that. We as a nation are not going to wean ourselves off of fossil fuels until we have no other option. I mean literally, none. As in:

"No sir, you can't have five gallons of gasoline. We've used it all...Yes sir, all of it...Nope, there's none left in Alaska...Yes sir, we've looked."

Until that conversation plays out, we'll continue paying ever-higher gas prices and driving our six thousand pound, twelve seat, Chevrolet Harbingers or whatever the hell they call the things now. And as far as alternative fuels are concerned, Stereo is right. We have to pick ONE. We can't buy a car that will run on ethanol and hydrogen and bio-diesel and fart power, so pick one, stick with it and tell me where to pick up the car.

Like Benz I am a man that believes that necessity is the mother of invention. I have never worried about the impending absence of fossil fuels. I figured if we ran out of oil on a Friday afternoon, Exxon, Chevrolet and GE would hold a joint press conference on Monday morning letting us know that they have perfected hydrogen fuel cells. We can buy an adapter for our cars for $250 at every Chevy dealer and refills will be available at Exxon stations worldwide, immediately. My point is, people who make money, rarely stop making it. There's a reason the largest mobile phone service provider is AT&T. Companies adapt to changing times and so will the oil companies. The only question is, can we make them adapt faster? Is there some sort of pressure we, the consumer, can exert to make the changeover sooner rather than later?