Today's Top New Stories: October 6, 2006
First off, a hearty happy birthday to my partner Stereotype. He's managed 26 years on the planet without the thought police shutting him down, so I guess he's gotten pretty good at hiding. Bully for him. Now to the real business.
Worried about Impending North Korean Nuclear test, the United Nations Brings out the Big Guns, Begging
In celebration of the ninth anniversary of Kim Jong Il's appointment as head of the Korean Worker's Party, North Korea has announced that they're going to set off some big fireworks. Nuclear fireworks to be specific. Japan has led the charge to warn against the proposed Nuclear test, which makes sense as they are a strong American ally, and about a stone's throw (very short in nuclear terms) from North Korea.
The United Nations Security Council (or as I like to call them, the Completely Useless Club) has expressed "deep concern." Which is the exact same way they responded to the news that Jennifer Anniston and Angelina Jolie were feuding over Brad Pitt. North Korea responded to the council with what I believe is called a "raspberry."
North Korea's Not the Only Bad Little Nation Getting Scolded
While the Security Council expressed "deep concern" over North Korea's apparently joining the nuclear club, diplomats from six of the world's powers are "deeply disappointed" with Iran's attempt to do the same thing. Representatives from the United States, Great Britain, France, Germany, Russia and China all met today, to discuss the appropriate actions to take against Iran, who has thus far refused to stop Uranium enrichment.
The biggest possibility is economic sanctions, but because of Russia and China's economic ties to Iran, they are likely to be fairly weak. For instance, a nation wouldn't be allowed to sell armaments such as tanks, rocket launchers, and missiles to Iran, except on Thursdays...and the second Monday of every month...and Fridays when the following Monday is the first, third or fourth Monday of the month...or any day ending in "y." Those sanctions could almost single-handedly destroy Iran's military might.
...Now are We Going to Put a Guy with Ties to the Mob in Charge of Chasing Down Organized Crime? What? We Already Did That?
Mark Foley, who had served as chairman of the House Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus, has turned out to be one of the guys that group was supposed to protect kids from. I gotta tell you, other than the above headline, I can't think of much about this story that is funny. Nothing in fact. The scandal and resulting investigations does look to color the upcoming elections, and may be the final straw that allows Democrats to take control of one or both houses. It also may cost Dennis Hastert his job. I'm not sure that would be such a bad thing. You'll hear more from me on this whole issue (and the November elections) this weekend.
House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi, Confuses Congress with the University of Florida's Stadium, Vows to "Drain the Swamp"
...and she's going to be quick about it. Rep. Pelosi says her first 100 hours in office as Speaker of the House would include, lobby reform, enacting all the recommendations of the 9/11 commission, raising the minimum wage to $7.25, cutting student loan interest rates in half, and pharmaceutical price reform. Then, theoretically, she'll become fat and lazy just like the Republicans have, but those first 100 hours are going to be golden, man. Pelosi says that she feels confident that Democrats can take over control of the House of Representatives for the first time in 12 years. They would need to win a net of 15 seats, they are currently in the running for 30 Republican seats, while Republicans only have a handful of opportunities to pick up Democratic seats.
Do you want to know something scary? I think I've decided I wouldn't mind the Democrats winning this election. I promise I'll provide more details tomorrow. Until then, this has been Top Stories, and remember, If we don't laugh about it, we'd have to cry about it.
Worried about Impending North Korean Nuclear test, the United Nations Brings out the Big Guns, Begging
In celebration of the ninth anniversary of Kim Jong Il's appointment as head of the Korean Worker's Party, North Korea has announced that they're going to set off some big fireworks. Nuclear fireworks to be specific. Japan has led the charge to warn against the proposed Nuclear test, which makes sense as they are a strong American ally, and about a stone's throw (very short in nuclear terms) from North Korea.
The United Nations Security Council (or as I like to call them, the Completely Useless Club) has expressed "deep concern." Which is the exact same way they responded to the news that Jennifer Anniston and Angelina Jolie were feuding over Brad Pitt. North Korea responded to the council with what I believe is called a "raspberry."
North Korea's Not the Only Bad Little Nation Getting Scolded
While the Security Council expressed "deep concern" over North Korea's apparently joining the nuclear club, diplomats from six of the world's powers are "deeply disappointed" with Iran's attempt to do the same thing. Representatives from the United States, Great Britain, France, Germany, Russia and China all met today, to discuss the appropriate actions to take against Iran, who has thus far refused to stop Uranium enrichment.
The biggest possibility is economic sanctions, but because of Russia and China's economic ties to Iran, they are likely to be fairly weak. For instance, a nation wouldn't be allowed to sell armaments such as tanks, rocket launchers, and missiles to Iran, except on Thursdays...and the second Monday of every month...and Fridays when the following Monday is the first, third or fourth Monday of the month...or any day ending in "y." Those sanctions could almost single-handedly destroy Iran's military might.
...Now are We Going to Put a Guy with Ties to the Mob in Charge of Chasing Down Organized Crime? What? We Already Did That?
Mark Foley, who had served as chairman of the House Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus, has turned out to be one of the guys that group was supposed to protect kids from. I gotta tell you, other than the above headline, I can't think of much about this story that is funny. Nothing in fact. The scandal and resulting investigations does look to color the upcoming elections, and may be the final straw that allows Democrats to take control of one or both houses. It also may cost Dennis Hastert his job. I'm not sure that would be such a bad thing. You'll hear more from me on this whole issue (and the November elections) this weekend.
House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi, Confuses Congress with the University of Florida's Stadium, Vows to "Drain the Swamp"
...and she's going to be quick about it. Rep. Pelosi says her first 100 hours in office as Speaker of the House would include, lobby reform, enacting all the recommendations of the 9/11 commission, raising the minimum wage to $7.25, cutting student loan interest rates in half, and pharmaceutical price reform. Then, theoretically, she'll become fat and lazy just like the Republicans have, but those first 100 hours are going to be golden, man. Pelosi says that she feels confident that Democrats can take over control of the House of Representatives for the first time in 12 years. They would need to win a net of 15 seats, they are currently in the running for 30 Republican seats, while Republicans only have a handful of opportunities to pick up Democratic seats.
Do you want to know something scary? I think I've decided I wouldn't mind the Democrats winning this election. I promise I'll provide more details tomorrow. Until then, this has been Top Stories, and remember, If we don't laugh about it, we'd have to cry about it.
posted by Daddy Rogue at 3:45 PM
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