This Week's Top Stories: September 15, 2006
The Pope and Muslims Just Can't Play Nice After an outcry in the Muslim world over remarks Pope Benedict XVI (that guys title is like a Superbowl) made during a pilgrimage to his homeland, the Vatican has tried to make his statements clearer, but has so far not outright apologized for them. A Vatican spokesperson said, "When the Holy Father described the concept of jihad or Holy War as 'evil and inhuman' he merely meant that it is wrong and inconsistent with a reasonable view of God. How could Muslims be offended by that?" How indeed? Muslim leaders released a statement, "We of the Islamic faith have nothing but the highest regard for human life, and an appreciation for the faiths of others. The comments of Pope Benedict have greatly saddened us, and as devout men of the cloth, we now call for the head of his Holy Father." and frankly who can blame them? It is currently unclear whether this possible death threat would keep Pope Benedict XVI from his upcoming trip to majority Muslim Turkey.
Iraqi Prime Minister Promotes 'Reconciliation by Division' Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki is urging Iraqis to give up there sectarian struggles and join him in a plan for National Unification. As a show of unity, the Iraqi security forces are digging trenches around Baghdad, to unite the capital city with the rest of the country. These "Anti-Terror Trenches" (a name chosen after careful polling, the original name was the "Terrifying Trenches") are to help the security forces channel traffic into and out of the city through check points, the intention being to stop attacks like a recent car bombing.
"These trenches will bring us together, by keeping us apart." the Prime Minister said in a speech on Friday. The plan is loosely based on a 627AD battle in which Muhammad protected the city of Medina from divisiveness (and an invading army) by digging trenches. Prime Minister al-Maliki said that uniting the different sects, ethnic and religious groups is of the utmost importance, "Nothing can stand in the way of Iraqi unity...except these gigantic holes in the ground."
Bush Pushes Congress to Adopt His Detainee Bill, Congress Tells Mom, 'W is Pushing!'
The President reiterated today how important it is for Congress to pass his plan for the detention, and interrogation of terrorist suspects, "We are fighting a war with a faceless, cowardly enemy. And when we catch that faceless enemy our people need to have the ability to mercilessly beat...I mean to thoroughly interrogate them in a very humane way."
Congress has its own plan for detainee interrogation and prosecution, that many Senators feel is more in line with international law. "Just because W wants to play cowboy and put the screws to these terrorists, doesn't mean that we can throw the Geneva Convention out the window..." Sen. John McCain of Arizona and Republican Presidential hopeful said, "you're not recording this are you?" McCain's other remarks could not be transcribed as he smashed the tape recorder to little bitty pieces.
The Senate's proposal was passed by the Senate Armed Services Committee on Thursday, and legislation similar to the President's plan is being amended this week to more closely resemble the Senate plan. If passed by Congress, the President has promised to not only veto this "weakened" legislation but throw a temper tantrum, take his ball and go home.
Texas Gubernatorial Candidate Supports Marijuana Legalization, Austin Residents Ask, 'It's Not Already?'
Singer, songwriter, novelist, independent candidate for Governor and "crazy cowboy" Kinky Friedman said Thursday that he would attempt to legalize marijuana if he was elected in order to keep non-violent offenders out of prison, and make room for more serious criminals. "Texas would be a hell of lot more fun under Governor Kinky!" said an anonymous Austonian, the first time that sentence has ever been uttered in the history of mankind.
Friedman's campaign has been one fraught with controversy as Republican incumbent Rick Perry's camp has labeled him a flip-flopper. "I don't mind being called a flip-flopper..." Friedman said, "besides boots, they're my favorite shoes." Friedman has also taken a position on the death penalty saying that he would use the Governor's ability to grant a reprieve to some condemned killers. Governor Friedman wouldn't be soft on crime however, as he's made it clear he would give $100 million to Houston to hire more police. The announcement of this plan caused more headache for Kinky as he described some Hurricane Katrina evacuees as "crackheads and thugs." The upswing in crime in Houston has formed a very unconventional alliance for Friedman. At the Austin airport he was introduced to Robert Muhammad, the leader of the Nation of Islam in Houston. Friedman says one of his first calls if elected would be to Robert, as he is a "visionary man" just the right guy to clear out "those gangsters, thugs and crackheads."
Incidentally look forward to NBC's new sitcom, "Kinky, Muhammad and Stoner" coming this fall.
That's it for this week, guys enjoy your weekend, and remember if we don't laugh at it, we'd have to cry about it. Incidentally I'm moving to Texas in case anybody needs me. Just kidding.
Iraqi Prime Minister Promotes 'Reconciliation by Division' Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki is urging Iraqis to give up there sectarian struggles and join him in a plan for National Unification. As a show of unity, the Iraqi security forces are digging trenches around Baghdad, to unite the capital city with the rest of the country. These "Anti-Terror Trenches" (a name chosen after careful polling, the original name was the "Terrifying Trenches") are to help the security forces channel traffic into and out of the city through check points, the intention being to stop attacks like a recent car bombing.
"These trenches will bring us together, by keeping us apart." the Prime Minister said in a speech on Friday. The plan is loosely based on a 627AD battle in which Muhammad protected the city of Medina from divisiveness (and an invading army) by digging trenches. Prime Minister al-Maliki said that uniting the different sects, ethnic and religious groups is of the utmost importance, "Nothing can stand in the way of Iraqi unity...except these gigantic holes in the ground."
Bush Pushes Congress to Adopt His Detainee Bill, Congress Tells Mom, 'W is Pushing!'
The President reiterated today how important it is for Congress to pass his plan for the detention, and interrogation of terrorist suspects, "We are fighting a war with a faceless, cowardly enemy. And when we catch that faceless enemy our people need to have the ability to mercilessly beat...I mean to thoroughly interrogate them in a very humane way."
Congress has its own plan for detainee interrogation and prosecution, that many Senators feel is more in line with international law. "Just because W wants to play cowboy and put the screws to these terrorists, doesn't mean that we can throw the Geneva Convention out the window..." Sen. John McCain of Arizona and Republican Presidential hopeful said, "you're not recording this are you?" McCain's other remarks could not be transcribed as he smashed the tape recorder to little bitty pieces.
The Senate's proposal was passed by the Senate Armed Services Committee on Thursday, and legislation similar to the President's plan is being amended this week to more closely resemble the Senate plan. If passed by Congress, the President has promised to not only veto this "weakened" legislation but throw a temper tantrum, take his ball and go home.
Texas Gubernatorial Candidate Supports Marijuana Legalization, Austin Residents Ask, 'It's Not Already?'
Singer, songwriter, novelist, independent candidate for Governor and "crazy cowboy" Kinky Friedman said Thursday that he would attempt to legalize marijuana if he was elected in order to keep non-violent offenders out of prison, and make room for more serious criminals. "Texas would be a hell of lot more fun under Governor Kinky!" said an anonymous Austonian, the first time that sentence has ever been uttered in the history of mankind.
Friedman's campaign has been one fraught with controversy as Republican incumbent Rick Perry's camp has labeled him a flip-flopper. "I don't mind being called a flip-flopper..." Friedman said, "besides boots, they're my favorite shoes." Friedman has also taken a position on the death penalty saying that he would use the Governor's ability to grant a reprieve to some condemned killers. Governor Friedman wouldn't be soft on crime however, as he's made it clear he would give $100 million to Houston to hire more police. The announcement of this plan caused more headache for Kinky as he described some Hurricane Katrina evacuees as "crackheads and thugs." The upswing in crime in Houston has formed a very unconventional alliance for Friedman. At the Austin airport he was introduced to Robert Muhammad, the leader of the Nation of Islam in Houston. Friedman says one of his first calls if elected would be to Robert, as he is a "visionary man" just the right guy to clear out "those gangsters, thugs and crackheads."
Incidentally look forward to NBC's new sitcom, "Kinky, Muhammad and Stoner" coming this fall.
That's it for this week, guys enjoy your weekend, and remember if we don't laugh at it, we'd have to cry about it. Incidentally I'm moving to Texas in case anybody needs me. Just kidding.
posted by Daddy Rogue at 11:41 AM
2 Comments:
i'm really glad i was lazy and didn't post the stories this week. those were great.
So, who ARE you supporting in the upcoming gubenatorial election?
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